I have to be honest, this quarantine has hit me like a ton of bricks, I am confused, I am sad, I am stressed, anxious and at times even a bit depressed.
I want to give you and insight into what quarantine as a mom is like, a lot of my friends have asked me about it, and most of them are single/no kids (the good life…jk kids, I love you, most of the time) so they can’t imagine what this situation is like, so here it goes.
When this whole Coronavirus started getting bad in Europe we were on our way to Mexico for our vacations, we had heard about a few cases, but life was basically normal, it wasn’t until we were at the airport that we realised things were getting serious.
While on vacations things started getting bad, Germany was a coronavirus hot spot, so schools closed, stores closed, and we received messages from the embassy to get home ASAP as all flights were being cancelled.
It was hard leaving, but we made it home, and it was hard, Philipp had to work from home, Mila’s kindergarten was closed, so it was basically up to me to give our family some normalcy, as much as possible, but I have no idea what normal in this situation even is.
It hasn’t been easy, Mila doesn’t understand why she can’t see her friends, why she can’t go out, why even though Philipp is home he can’t play with her all day, for her, the days he’s home it’s the weekend and he can play with her.
I honestly have no idea how to deal with 2 kids in this situation, Philipp has to work, he has to make calls, and I have to keep the kids quiet, and this business people like to talk for HOURS.
I am supposed to give Alex a “calm sleeping environment” while Mila throws a Frozen themed karaoke party in the living room
I can’t pee in peace because Mila will either:
A) come in with me and stare while I do my business and then clap when I’m done
B) If I close the door she’ll stand outside talking to me asking me if I need help or some other weird questions
Philipp only has a 1 hour break, and God bless this man he uses that hour to cook lunch for us, but thats it, the hour is over, and Im left to feed two kids, one is a picky eater and the other one throws food.
I can’t listen to the Frozen soundtrack once more or I’ll sue Disney for emotional damage.
I feel guilty.
Guilty because I am not the Pinterest mom that makes learning activities for her toddler and sensory bins for her baby.
Guilty because I feel like I am failing to everyone.
Guilty because at the end of the day, when the kids are finally asleep, I don’t have the energy to even talk to my husband, I’ve been listening to my own voice all day and I’m tired. I just want to watch my Tiger King episode in peace. (Carole Baskin def fed her husband to the tigers)
Guilty because I have no idea how to meet everyones needs, let alone my own.
Guilty because I have no idea how to explain to my daughter why she can’t see her father once a week like she is used to, why now everything has changed.
Guilty because I think “soon she’ll go to her father for one week and maybe it’ll be less stressful” but then she gets picked up, and I feel like crying, but, didn’t I want some quiet? NO I want her.
This situation is definitely hard for families like ours, for kids like Mila, and I don’t know what to do.
I asked friends what could I try to help with my stress, reading, working out, a bath, mandalas, and yoga were the most recommended ones.
But AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT
I did actually start doing yoga, but I can either hear the kids needing me, or I can have them with me and it’ll be one of those Buzzfeed videos where they do yoga with baby goats, climbing all over you.
Amongst all of this I have found reasons to be grateful.
Grateful to have a home
Grateful to be with the people I love
Grateful to be safe
Grateful because Philipp gets to spend some more time with the kids
So, maybe after all of this you think I am crazy, or a bad mom (definitely a bit of both) maybe now you don’t want kids anymore.. sorry.
But that’s how it is, that’s what quarantine for us is like, and soon I hope everything will be back to normal and I’ll be able to take my kids to the playground so they get tired and sleep earlier.
Soon, Mila won’t wear a princess dress all day, and maybe our living room picnics will be outside.