Mila’s 4th Birthday

09.03.2020

OMG! My baby girl is 4 years old, I seriously still can’t believe it.

I really feel like it was not long ago that I held her for the first time.

In the last years, every time Mila’s birthday was approaching I would start to feel uneasy, I had flashbacks to the horrible day that we had when she came into the world, I would get horrible anxiety, I couldn’t sleep, and if I managed to sleep I would have horrible nightmares, I had days when I literally couldn’t get out of bed, and was really depressed, PTSD really got the worst out of me.

This year however, everything was better, over the last year I have done some major healing, and although I had some lows, this year I was actually looking forward to her birthday, specially her birthday party.

Her birthday was on Monday, so Philipp and I spent almost all of our Sunday baking princess-unicorn cupcakes, and Philipp baked an amazing unicorn cake ! we stayed up until 1:00 am baking, and decorating cupcakes.

On Monday we brought half of them to her kindergarten class, and she was so excited !! When I picked her up in the afternoon, and not only were the no cupcakes left, but her teacher asked for the recipe haha.

We came home, and she was so excited to see that everything was ready for her party.

She was allowed to open a few presents, and her face was just too cute, she got extremely excited with everything, even though she had chosen her presents and she knew exactly what’s she was getting, she also got a dress, and seriously, I think Mila is the only toddler I know that zests excited when she gets clothes as a present.

She also got a kids camera, and her face was pure joy, immediately she started taking pictures of everything.

At 14:30 her friends started arriving, and every time the bell rang she would run to the door and open the door, and greet her friends, we had 8 kids in total, and they had so much fun.

We sang happy birthday to her and her face was the same face that at my 24 years I make when someone sings happy birthday to me haha she hated it.

She opened the rest of her presents, and showed her friends.

After all the kids left my apartment was basically a war zone ! there were toys everywhere, half eaten cupcakes, and the whole place was sticky, it was PERFECT.

Days like this are the kind of days I would think of when she was in the NICU, when she was small and fragile and it felt like we would never leave that place.

My little girl was so small, but she has always been full of life, and her birthday party was no exception, seeing her like that, so happy, having fun, and that big smile healed my heart so much.

I love you baby girl, happy birthday, I’m so proud of you.