What if…

two pregnancies,two very different stories

What every mom should have after birth.

What if I had spoken up, What if someone had listened, what if my my German hadn’t been so bad, or my self-esteem so low and I would’ve stood up for myself and tell whoever listened that something was wrong, Would it had changed anything?

Maybe Mila would’ve still arrived too soon, but maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have missed her birth, maybe I would’ve heard her first cry, maybe she wouldn’t have come all alone, and that’s what almost 4 years on still hurts, the “maybes” the “what ifs”

I have told my story over and over again, even though it still hurts, because I want moms to know they have a voice, and they should use it, It can make a life or death difference.

Below I´ll add some pictures, both are my kids, both grew inside of me, I gave birth to both of them, yet both stories are totally different, and its sad that so many women can understand my pain, its sad that so many parents have to go home to empty cribs because their babies are in the NICU or worse, will never make it home, its sad there are so many kids without their mommies, its sad that preeclampsia accounts for for approximately 63.000 maternal deaths a year, let that number sink in, sixty three THOUSAND, that’s thousands of babies without their moms, and for some cases nothing could’ve been done about it, some countries lack the tools to help moms, some cases like mine are totally avoidable, and I speak for the moms who know my pain all too well, and the ones who aren’t here anymore.

I could’ve been another number I could’ve been one in those 63,000, and I am so thankful I made it, I’m thankful I got to meet my daughter.

Newborn Alex

Newborn Mila

Changing a diaper, working around cables

Feeding Mila with the bottle, we never learned how to breastfeed

Breastfeeding was something I wanted to do, and I’m happy it worked for us

Meeting grandma at 2 weeks old, we had to ask for permission to take her out of the incubator, and mind the cables

Meeting grandma a day after he was born

doing skin to skin days after she was born

doing skin to skin seconds after he was born

This is what moms should look like after having a baby, tired, on their beds, next to their babies. This is possible if we use our voices, if we demand to be heard.

To me, all of the pictures above are beautiful, half of them were taken at a point of extreme pain, but even for that pain I’m thankful, it has made us who we are, it showed me how strong we are, that painful experience  has allowed me to meet other moms who can relate to what happened to us, has given me the chance to speak up about it.

It sure was painful, but it happened, and now, 4 years on I have my baby girl with me, and she is the most amazing big sister.